Friday, September 21, 2012

Mother of the Year I am not

I gave up running for Mother of the Year many years ago and find myself falling between "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" depending on what day it is, sometimes it's a minute by minute rating I have to admit.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom and love my kids so much sometimes it hurts.  However; I have accepted the fact that being a good enough mom is good enough for me.  I don't take being a mom lightly, just ask my kids otherwise known as "my precious jewels".  They know they are loved and cared for but also realize that I am human (not super human) and make mistakes.  Luckily, my recent mistakes seem to have been easily forgotten today, let's wait and see what happens tomorrow:).

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

What's in a name?

Smart and Sassy, Sassy Mom and Meshugana Mom just to name a few but I finally decided that Liberated Mama said it best!  Yes I am smart sassy and most of all meshugana but being liberated has really defined who I am ever since leaving my leaving my marriage with two kids still in diapers.  I have laughed more than I have cried and keep moving on:)

Here We Go.....

I am a divorced  mother of two and have been on my own since October of 2003 when my daughter was 11 months old and my son was 3.  They are almost 10 and 12 and I can't believe how fast the years have gone by...it feels like only yesterday that I was rocking them to sleep in the middle of the night feeling blessed and grateful for their existence while at the same time wondering why the "Norman Rockwell" fictional portrait on the wall wasn't exactly as I had envisioned.  I was a late bloomer and my transition from being single to being in a relationship to engaged-married-baby-house-another baby-separated was fast and furious.  All of these critical life changes happened in less than five years, the final blow came in late October of 2003 right after our son turned 3 when I walked into my dad's office (I worked with him during that time) closed the door and asked "how do you know if you're happy"?  It was the only question that needed to be asked out loud and of course I knew the answer before my dad had a chance to speak.  The next day after dropping our children at daycare I went back home, it was time to liberate myself and take the first step towards "happiness".  I didn't tread lightly and put one toe in the water, I jumped in head first.  What happened after the words left my mouth still haunt me....he went ballistic although what did I expect?  You see, he was a compulsive gambler and I reached my breaking point.  The signs were all there even before he asked me to marry him.  Nice Jewish boy from the burbs meets nice Jewish girl from the burbs, nice right?  Well of course but the gambling was the dirty little secret I didn't want to admit.  I wanted Norman Rockwell and felt this was my only chance......What happened over the next several months was heart wrenching as I was making my way into the world of being on my own with my two precious jewels while at the same time the man I left was on the verge of suicide and ultimately was admitted to rehab.  After months of couples therapy, GA MANON meetings and serious self-reflection I realized my decision to leave was the right one and I have never looked back.  I am blessed with my precious jewels, they are the best gift and I am thankful for walking down the aisle otherwise I would have never known the overwhelming joy and pleasure of motherhood.  I have crossed off a major want on my "bucket list".