The holidays have
always been a tough time for me, ever since the fall of 1985 when my dad first
got sick and then my parents separation the following spring. For my
entire life up until that evening on September 28th, 1985 I had a pristine
(well so I thought) life, we were just missing the white picket fence.
Our family was Jay, Judy, Jeff, Jennifer, Jimmy & our dog J.J.
We all had blue eyes, I even pretended J.J. did because I thought it made
our family sound even more cool:).
I remember a happy
life growing up on Millbrook Lane. I remember how much our home was
filled with friends and family, laughing, playing and just hanging out. I remember my older brother’s friends coming
over to play basketball and I would wind up playing jacks with them in our
laundry room, it had the best jacks floor! I remember being on the phone
once when we got our second land line and my older brother picking up his phone
and giving me the 5-minute warning, it didn’t matter that I had just
dialed my friend and expected to be on for hours.
I remember Jeffrey
and I fighting before my parents had even shut the front door when they went
out on the weekends. I remember my younger brother sitting with our dog
J.J. on the stairs watching as my brother and I fought. I remember talking with my younger brother’s
friends on the phone when they called for what seemed like hours before Jimmy
even realized they were on the phone.
I remember the
holidays, both sets of grandparents would come over to our house or we would go
to my Grandma Syl & Grandpa Sam's apartment behind what used to
be Great Godfrey Daniels in Skokie. There must have been 30 people
that fit into their apartment. I can smell my grandma’s matzo ball
soup now, she made it so well. When I close my eyes, I can see every
detail of their apartment including the yellow kitchen table & chairs and
the smell of her soup.
I remember all of
it and I remember that everyone was happy because we were all smiling and
laughing.
Once my Grandma Syl
passed away the spring of 1987, the holidays never seemed the same to me.
Well, truth be told.......it really stopped once my parents split up but who's
keeping track?? She was the glue, the matriarch and brought it all
together. She brought the laughter, the love, and most importantly the
everlasting feeling of being happy.
I remember for the
first time in a long time not feeling happy and could feel it from my head to
my toes. I didn't know what to do about it........
I’ve learned a lot
about happiness and being happy over the years.
I know that happiness is a choice even when you feel like your life is not
what you expect, or you feel like happiness is for everyone else but you……believe
me, I felt that way back in 1986 when my family was falling apart. I also felt that way back in 2003 when I chose
to start a new life as a single full time working mom with my kids who were 11
months and 3 years old.
My dad, the patriarch
of our family, helped me understand how to find the tools to get to happy and I
didn’t have to travel very far. The tools
you see are inside all of us, we all come fully equipped with a tool box. It just takes some of us a little longer to
figure out how to use them all😊
My road to happy and
finding the right tools at the right time hasn’t been smooth and at times
seemed insurmountable. It’s taken work
and time standing in front of the mirror, but it’s a work in progress just like
life.
I’m happy for my
life today, all of it. I hope you can
find your happy this year my friends. Xoxo,
Jennifer
