Hello my friends,
I've been doing a lot of "going through" stuff over the past few months since my dad died. From cleaning out his closets and donating his clothes, shoes, and numerous jackets to charity along with going through his office this past weekend with my brother.
I've taken that same energy to go through some cherished papers here at home. My dad was a master letter writer with impeccable penmanship and always knew how to make me feel better. Some letters were short & sweet while others were long & filled with life lessons that were passed down to me & my brothers. I always cried at the end of each one. I cried because his words made me feel heard, I cried because I felt so alone after leaving for college in late August of 1985, and I cried because I was scared after his heart attack at the Bears/Patriots game only 3 weeks into my freshman year.
But most of all I cried because I know how much he loved and cared about me, his darling daughter.
The months since his death have been surreal. I find myself waiting for the phone to ring, wanting to drive down to U of C Hospital for a visit or pick him up for one of our father/daughter meals at Once Upon a Bagel. I know that won't happen ever again. The permanency of death is tough to wrap my head around at times.
At times it has felt like being lost in the dark without a flashlight. Those have been the worst days, but somehow I have found the strength thru my tears, even while they are streaming down my face, to carry on and face the day.
Grieving is personal, grieving is normal and grieving is healthy. I've found that my grief has allowed me to understand just how much my dad was loved and how much he loved back.
Most importantly, grieving has made me understand that I am allowed to grieve and feel sad whenever it hits me.
xoxo,
Jennifer
Jennifer
