My kids and I lived in Skokie back in 2007 and I was driving both kids to school the morning of May 8th (this would have been our 8 year wedding anniversary). We stopped at the Dunkin Donuts on Dempster Street because it was Pajama Day for my daughter at Elizabeth Meyer and we were bringing Munchkins. It was a gorgeous morning the sun was shining and life couldn’t have been any better.
We lived close to Dunkin Donuts so I drove through our neighborhood passed our street on our way to Keeler. As I was driving West approaching Kedvale I saw a Jeep Cherokee driving North on Kedvale and it didn’t look like we were going to clear the intersection, she had a Yield sign and we had the right of way.
What happened next still haunts me to this day and I find myself having flashbacks out of the blue. I knew we were going to get hit and also realized that slamming on my breaks wasn’t going to lessen the impact because the other driver wasn’t slowing down. My heart felt like it was going to explode and I was scared. I just pressed on the horn and held it hoping the driver would realize what was about to happen due to her negligence. My kids started to cry and scream, mommy!, mommy!, mommy!”…………
The next thing I remember is being hit at full force on the drivers side of our Toyota Sienna minivan and feeling the car tipping over on it’s side and coming to a crashing stop on the curb. I can’t tell you how petrified I was to turn around to look at my precious jewels. My daughter was in the seat right behind so she felt the impact just like I did and I noticed that she was bleeding from her head. My son was sitting right behind her in the third row and he was stuck and couldn’t unbuckle his seat belt.
I was in shock and followed the instructions from all of the neighbors, paramedics, policeman and firefighters who came to help. I will never forget their generosity and how they helped our family that day.
Because our car flipped on it’s side, we all needed help getting out through the sunroof as the drivers window was badly damaged. I realized I was barefoot and felt the pieces of glass while I was moving away from the car. I remember begging for a cell phone, I needed to call my ex-husband.
He had just started a new job so it took me a few tries to reach him on his cell phone. I was so relieved when he answered and started crying and screaming in pain. You see, when I stepped away from the car and looked back I saw each of our children on separate gurney’s being attended to by the paramedics, they were each strapped to keep their little toddler bodies still. I looked to the left of them and saw our car on it’s side with glass everywhere as well as the munchkins and all of our stuff covering the intersection.
It was at that moment while on the phone that I realized how terrified my ex-husband must be and begged him to drive safely to the scene. To this day I can’t imagine what he must have felt when he arrived, seeing our car on it’s side and our children being treated by the paramedics.
We spent the rest of the day together as a family, at the hospital and then back at my in-laws to rest and recuperate. It is very comforting to know that even though our marriage ended, the commitment to our children and each other will continue for as long as we both shall live.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
We got our date and I'm sticking to it, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah drama begins..
I had my Bat Mitzvah in 1980 a little over 33 years ago back when Bare Traps and Culottes were hip and happening and there was no such thing as a Goody Bag or Giveaway. It was simple and didn't involve an excel spreadsheet. I don't recall having more than one Bar/Bat Mitzvah on any given weekend. Somehow any "date" conflicts (of which there might have been one or two) were accepted as par for the course and we all accepted the reality that EVERYONE might not be able to attend. It was actually a blessing to those parents who were footing the bill and no one made a stink either way. It's one day that usually has the most significance to the family. Everyone else is coming to support the family and get a free meal:).
So imagine my surprise 31 years later that I learn just how much this process or right of passage has changed, well at least in our neighborhood. Since I work full time I would only get bits of pieces of the latest chatter or gossip swirling through the neighborhood. So I had no idea that there is now an Excel Spreadsheet that is maintained by a few moms to coordinate and track the Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates that come out every year. Really, is this true? Information overload was my first thought and g-d bless them for doing it, a thankless job for sure.
My first "real" experience with this phenomenon came a few years ago back in 2011 when my son was 11 years old and at the time attended Sunday School and Hebrew School. It was the end of the 2010/2011 school year which meant the release of Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates for when they turn 13. Yes apparently we need at least two years notice to start planning. I remember picking my son up from Sunday School and going inside the lobby of the synagogue where a group of the kids were hanging out waiting to be picked up. I noticed they each had an envelope in their hand and soon realized it was "THE DATE". I casually looked at the date given to my son and we were on our way to breakfast. Apparently word travels faster than fast now and the news was out that my son and another girl in his grade had the same date, heaven forbid! I didn't think much of it I mean it was May of 2011 and the date was in November of 2013, two and half years away. Who thinks that far into the future? I barely know what my plans are on any given day sometimes, (unless of course it's a game for either one of my kids). Who the heck knows what's going to happen so far into the future? How about we focus on the present and maybe the near future, but two and a half years into the future, I don't think so:)
So as my son and I are being seated we run into one of his friends and their family. The first question out of his friends mouth is I heard you and so & so have the same date! Wow, really? So the mom of the friend says to me....."You don't want to go up against so & so, I would just change your date now" What did she just say? I gave her a pleasant smile and proceeded to our table.
About a week or two later while my entire family was in Sarasota celebrating our great uncle's 95th birthday I get a phone call from a number I didn't recognized so I let it go to voice mail. You'll never guess who it was......it was so & so's mom! I figured I better get this call out of the way so I called her back.
I've always considered myself to be a pretty strong person, rarely influenced by others to either change my mind or decision that ultimately was best for me and my family. To be honest, I don't recall this ever happening before getting married, having kids and getting divorced.
She was very lovely on the phone and to be honest the date given to my son wasn't really important to us but was super important to her, it was a no brain-er. She went on and on thanking me for being so cooperative and said if anyone tried to back me into a corner for my daughter when she gets her date (she is 2 years younger than my son) that I should call her:).
I decided to call our temple right away to let them know we would need to change our date and noticed my son's 13th birthday fell on a Saturday that year and asked if that date was available, it was YIPPEE! They made the change and that was that. Onto enjoying the beautiful weather in Sarasota, crisis averted. So I thought.......
Apparently, someone else NEEDED to have our "new" date. Not so fast......My son and this boy were friends and their birthdays were two days apart so of course the mom pleaded with me to change the date. She said they NEEDED to have that date because they have a large family and wanted to drink and dance all night that weekend. So be my guest, I'm not changing the date. I repeated the same thing over and over, my son's birthday fell on that Saturday and we're not changing our date period end of story.
As it turns out, my son decided not to continue with Sunday School and Hebrew School and is taking a pass on getting Bar Mitvah'd. The mother backed off, her son backed off and we all moved on:)
I fully recovered from the craziness of a few years ago, still shocked to personally experience how people behave but thankful that I wasn't one of them.
So it wasn't much of a surprise when my daughter got her date a few weeks ago. I was now an expert in how this process works and filed the incoming emails and blank spreadsheet for the 2013/2014 Mitzvah season in my personal folder.
We got a date that was one of (4) options that were pretty close to my daughters 13th birthday, great! I couldn't mark the date down on my IPhone (doesn't go out that far in advance, just like me) but who cares. Not even 24 hours after the dates were given out in our community (all of the Synagogues collaborated so dates are given out at the same time) did my inbox start filling up from the "Keeper of the Spreadsheet" along with emails from the two moms who apparently got the same date as my daughter. One of the girls is a friend of my daughters and go to the same school, I don't know the other girl or her mom.
Both of them of course had already booked the room, booked the party coordinator and started looking at menu options, SERIOUSLY? (I don't know that for certain, this was simply added to demonstrate part of the story). What is wrong with you people? It's over two and a half years away, slow down! I politely emailed them back informing them the date works best for our family and that I had no idea of when the PARTY would be as I don't plan that far in advance.
My daughter came home from school that day and apparently now the kids are getting involved and asking to have the date changed. The "friend" suggested to my daughter that she change her date. My daughter who is wise beyond her years asked me "Why does everyone always ask us to change our date" referring of course to what happened with her brother a few years before. She wanted her Bat Mitzvah to be close to her birthday, her choice and something that is important to her. Works for me, and our family. I reiterated via email that the date works best for our family and that I wouldn't be changing, period end of story. I wasn't standing on ceremony or digging my heals just living life that is best for our family.
I am the eternal optimist and believe everything works out in the end and so will this. The service and luncheon for family is all set and the party....well, we'll just wait and see what date works best once all of the "final dates" are hard coded into the spreadsheet:)
While it would be "nice" if everyone could have their own date the reality is completely unrealistic and pretty ridiculous if you stop and think about it. Let's stop this nonsense before it gets any worse.
So imagine my surprise 31 years later that I learn just how much this process or right of passage has changed, well at least in our neighborhood. Since I work full time I would only get bits of pieces of the latest chatter or gossip swirling through the neighborhood. So I had no idea that there is now an Excel Spreadsheet that is maintained by a few moms to coordinate and track the Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates that come out every year. Really, is this true? Information overload was my first thought and g-d bless them for doing it, a thankless job for sure.
My first "real" experience with this phenomenon came a few years ago back in 2011 when my son was 11 years old and at the time attended Sunday School and Hebrew School. It was the end of the 2010/2011 school year which meant the release of Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates for when they turn 13. Yes apparently we need at least two years notice to start planning. I remember picking my son up from Sunday School and going inside the lobby of the synagogue where a group of the kids were hanging out waiting to be picked up. I noticed they each had an envelope in their hand and soon realized it was "THE DATE". I casually looked at the date given to my son and we were on our way to breakfast. Apparently word travels faster than fast now and the news was out that my son and another girl in his grade had the same date, heaven forbid! I didn't think much of it I mean it was May of 2011 and the date was in November of 2013, two and half years away. Who thinks that far into the future? I barely know what my plans are on any given day sometimes, (unless of course it's a game for either one of my kids). Who the heck knows what's going to happen so far into the future? How about we focus on the present and maybe the near future, but two and a half years into the future, I don't think so:)
So as my son and I are being seated we run into one of his friends and their family. The first question out of his friends mouth is I heard you and so & so have the same date! Wow, really? So the mom of the friend says to me....."You don't want to go up against so & so, I would just change your date now" What did she just say? I gave her a pleasant smile and proceeded to our table.
About a week or two later while my entire family was in Sarasota celebrating our great uncle's 95th birthday I get a phone call from a number I didn't recognized so I let it go to voice mail. You'll never guess who it was......it was so & so's mom! I figured I better get this call out of the way so I called her back.
I've always considered myself to be a pretty strong person, rarely influenced by others to either change my mind or decision that ultimately was best for me and my family. To be honest, I don't recall this ever happening before getting married, having kids and getting divorced.
She was very lovely on the phone and to be honest the date given to my son wasn't really important to us but was super important to her, it was a no brain-er. She went on and on thanking me for being so cooperative and said if anyone tried to back me into a corner for my daughter when she gets her date (she is 2 years younger than my son) that I should call her:).
I decided to call our temple right away to let them know we would need to change our date and noticed my son's 13th birthday fell on a Saturday that year and asked if that date was available, it was YIPPEE! They made the change and that was that. Onto enjoying the beautiful weather in Sarasota, crisis averted. So I thought.......
Apparently, someone else NEEDED to have our "new" date. Not so fast......My son and this boy were friends and their birthdays were two days apart so of course the mom pleaded with me to change the date. She said they NEEDED to have that date because they have a large family and wanted to drink and dance all night that weekend. So be my guest, I'm not changing the date. I repeated the same thing over and over, my son's birthday fell on that Saturday and we're not changing our date period end of story.
As it turns out, my son decided not to continue with Sunday School and Hebrew School and is taking a pass on getting Bar Mitvah'd. The mother backed off, her son backed off and we all moved on:)
I fully recovered from the craziness of a few years ago, still shocked to personally experience how people behave but thankful that I wasn't one of them.
So it wasn't much of a surprise when my daughter got her date a few weeks ago. I was now an expert in how this process works and filed the incoming emails and blank spreadsheet for the 2013/2014 Mitzvah season in my personal folder.
We got a date that was one of (4) options that were pretty close to my daughters 13th birthday, great! I couldn't mark the date down on my IPhone (doesn't go out that far in advance, just like me) but who cares. Not even 24 hours after the dates were given out in our community (all of the Synagogues collaborated so dates are given out at the same time) did my inbox start filling up from the "Keeper of the Spreadsheet" along with emails from the two moms who apparently got the same date as my daughter. One of the girls is a friend of my daughters and go to the same school, I don't know the other girl or her mom.
Both of them of course had already booked the room, booked the party coordinator and started looking at menu options, SERIOUSLY? (I don't know that for certain, this was simply added to demonstrate part of the story). What is wrong with you people? It's over two and a half years away, slow down! I politely emailed them back informing them the date works best for our family and that I had no idea of when the PARTY would be as I don't plan that far in advance.
My daughter came home from school that day and apparently now the kids are getting involved and asking to have the date changed. The "friend" suggested to my daughter that she change her date. My daughter who is wise beyond her years asked me "Why does everyone always ask us to change our date" referring of course to what happened with her brother a few years before. She wanted her Bat Mitzvah to be close to her birthday, her choice and something that is important to her. Works for me, and our family. I reiterated via email that the date works best for our family and that I wouldn't be changing, period end of story. I wasn't standing on ceremony or digging my heals just living life that is best for our family.
I am the eternal optimist and believe everything works out in the end and so will this. The service and luncheon for family is all set and the party....well, we'll just wait and see what date works best once all of the "final dates" are hard coded into the spreadsheet:)
While it would be "nice" if everyone could have their own date the reality is completely unrealistic and pretty ridiculous if you stop and think about it. Let's stop this nonsense before it gets any worse.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Aunt Flo's First Visit
I am the middle child in between two boys and always considered myself a tomboy growing up much to the disappointment of my mom. When my brothers and I played monkey in the middle, I was always the monkey. When they needed an extra basketball player when their friends came over, I filled in. When my older brothers friends came over somehow we all wound up playing jacks in the laundry room, except for my brother! I always felt comfortable around the boys and they seemed to like hanging out with me, probably because I was the little sister or "cool" older sister. I secretly liked the attention but knew it was platonic, they were all like my brothers. I never felt awkward or embarrassed about my ever developing body when I was around them. Unfortunately, I can't say the same thing when I was around my guy friends as well as some of girl friends growing up. I was "full grown" by 5th grade having gone thru puberty faster than a speeding bullet. It was dreadful and I didn't feel like I had any support at home with my mom, we were pretty repressed in our house. Well, maybe not repressed we just didn't talk about anything having to do puberty, getting your period or the first trip to Schwartz's for the dreaded first bra. It was baseball hot dogs and ice cream with a few cool rock concerts thrown in the mix. We were indeed a very "hip" family on the outside. On the inside at least for me, I was secretly struggling.
My body was changing almost overnight and I didn't have anyone to talk to, correction.....I didn't want to talk to anyone about this so I held everything inside. Unfortunately, my first trip to the therapist wasn't until age 14 and by then puberty was over for me. I had good friends but no one seemed to be going thru the change at least according to what I could see:). So I just decided to wing it and do the best I could.
I was babysitting one afternoon when I was 12 on a Sunday afternoon for a good friend of the families. They had two girls who I adored and it was a pleasure watching them. The food choices in the pantry were above average and we had plenty of things to keep us busy that day. It was almost time for the parents to return and I made a quick trip to the bathroom. Low and behold of all places my not so favorite Aunt Flo decided to make her first visit! I was not only horrified but completely unprepared. I didn't know what to do and asking the girls who were less than half my age didn't seem to be best solution. I decided that rummaging through the bathroom drawers and closets for "supplies" might be too obvious so I just made the best of it until I got home.
A few minutes later the parents came home and it was finally time for me to be paid and go home, oh goody! The car ride was quick as we lived about a mile apart, I said thank you very much shut the car door and ran into the house straight up to the bathroom and locked the door. I didn't even notice that my family was sitting in the living room getting ready to watch our favorite show 60 Minutes. I sat quietly on the toilet crying my eyes out wanting to climb out of the window and run away. I was ashamed, humiliated and didn't know how to tell my mom. Several minutes passed and my mom was quietly knocking on the door asking me to let her in, I said no and kept crying. I wasn't screaming or yelling which was pretty rear lately, just crying. This lasted for many more minutes and I finally decided to tell her in my own special way. It seemed to take forever and I was leaning against the door to make sure she could hear me and I said........"I GOT WHAT COMES AT THE END OF A SENTENCE"! There was silence, dead silence. Did she hear me? Does she not understand what I said, please don't make me repeat it!
No, she heard loud and clear but wanted to confirm what I said so she YELLS downstairs to my dad and brothers and asks....Honey, what comes at the end of a sentence???? Really, did this just happen or am I having a nightmare during the day while the sun is still shining? I couldn't believe it and was just begging to be put out of my misery.
I think I stayed in the bathroom until my dad and brothers finally went upstairs to bed, I just couldn't face them but knew I couldn't avoid them forever. So I crawled into bed after getting my supplies from my mom and finally fell asleep.
My mom fumbled her way through explaining what I needed to do since getting my period. It was such an awkward conversation, I don't even think I was able to look her in the eyes. I just couldn't believe this was happening to me so soon, I felt very alone.
Each day seemed to get a little easier and I did the best I could with the tools I was given to cope with this "rite of passage". I have found great comfort over the years by retelling this story to friends as well as working through this with many years of therapy along the way. I can now laugh out loud when I think of how I broke the news to my mom!
My body was changing almost overnight and I didn't have anyone to talk to, correction.....I didn't want to talk to anyone about this so I held everything inside. Unfortunately, my first trip to the therapist wasn't until age 14 and by then puberty was over for me. I had good friends but no one seemed to be going thru the change at least according to what I could see:). So I just decided to wing it and do the best I could.
I was babysitting one afternoon when I was 12 on a Sunday afternoon for a good friend of the families. They had two girls who I adored and it was a pleasure watching them. The food choices in the pantry were above average and we had plenty of things to keep us busy that day. It was almost time for the parents to return and I made a quick trip to the bathroom. Low and behold of all places my not so favorite Aunt Flo decided to make her first visit! I was not only horrified but completely unprepared. I didn't know what to do and asking the girls who were less than half my age didn't seem to be best solution. I decided that rummaging through the bathroom drawers and closets for "supplies" might be too obvious so I just made the best of it until I got home.
A few minutes later the parents came home and it was finally time for me to be paid and go home, oh goody! The car ride was quick as we lived about a mile apart, I said thank you very much shut the car door and ran into the house straight up to the bathroom and locked the door. I didn't even notice that my family was sitting in the living room getting ready to watch our favorite show 60 Minutes. I sat quietly on the toilet crying my eyes out wanting to climb out of the window and run away. I was ashamed, humiliated and didn't know how to tell my mom. Several minutes passed and my mom was quietly knocking on the door asking me to let her in, I said no and kept crying. I wasn't screaming or yelling which was pretty rear lately, just crying. This lasted for many more minutes and I finally decided to tell her in my own special way. It seemed to take forever and I was leaning against the door to make sure she could hear me and I said........"I GOT WHAT COMES AT THE END OF A SENTENCE"! There was silence, dead silence. Did she hear me? Does she not understand what I said, please don't make me repeat it!
No, she heard loud and clear but wanted to confirm what I said so she YELLS downstairs to my dad and brothers and asks....Honey, what comes at the end of a sentence???? Really, did this just happen or am I having a nightmare during the day while the sun is still shining? I couldn't believe it and was just begging to be put out of my misery.
I think I stayed in the bathroom until my dad and brothers finally went upstairs to bed, I just couldn't face them but knew I couldn't avoid them forever. So I crawled into bed after getting my supplies from my mom and finally fell asleep.
My mom fumbled her way through explaining what I needed to do since getting my period. It was such an awkward conversation, I don't even think I was able to look her in the eyes. I just couldn't believe this was happening to me so soon, I felt very alone.
Each day seemed to get a little easier and I did the best I could with the tools I was given to cope with this "rite of passage". I have found great comfort over the years by retelling this story to friends as well as working through this with many years of therapy along the way. I can now laugh out loud when I think of how I broke the news to my mom!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Our first "real" vacation is in the history books
One of the things on my "to do" list after selling our house last spring was to take a vacation with my kids. Yes I have taken them to NYC and Boston for a quick weekend many many years ago when they were little but this time would be a real vacation in a warm climate with a pool! My mom (who is a part-time travel agent) suggested in All Inclusive for our first trip and thought Nuevo Vallarta would be a great place to visit over spring break. I think the kids were suprised when I told them the news as they usually go to California with their dad over winter break, I don't think they ever believed I would take them somewhere warm and fun too!
It seemed like eternity but spring break was fast approaching and we were all getting excited. From buying bathing suits and sunscreen to checking a million times that our newly received passports were still in the same "safe" place in the house!
It was finally time to start packing which of course happened the night before, no one went to sleep before midnight and we were getting picked up at 4:45 AM! Who needs sleep when we were going to be in the pool by noon right? I think I only slept 3 hours that night! While we were all excited about going but our exhaustion starting taking over before even stepping on the plane. Needless to say things were a little rocky from the start. Fortuntately that was short lived as we all had a chance to sleep on the plane and felt refreshed as soon as we stepped out of the airport. Gorgeous skies and the beautiful sun greeted us with open arms, yeah we made it along with our luggage!
The next seven days and nights were filled with lots of swimming, eating and table tennis along with swimming with the dolphins which was very cool!
It wasn't all smiles and giggles 24/7, there was plenty of bickering going on between ALL of us, not just my precious jewels. I came up with a brilliant idea on our second night to have a cot sent up to our room and decided I was going to sleep on it outside on balcony under the stars with the beautiful sound of the crashing waves in the background. It was AWESOME and provided the serenity I was looking for on our vacation. It was my vacation as well and I was going to enjoy it:)
It seemed like eternity but spring break was fast approaching and we were all getting excited. From buying bathing suits and sunscreen to checking a million times that our newly received passports were still in the same "safe" place in the house!
It was finally time to start packing which of course happened the night before, no one went to sleep before midnight and we were getting picked up at 4:45 AM! Who needs sleep when we were going to be in the pool by noon right? I think I only slept 3 hours that night! While we were all excited about going but our exhaustion starting taking over before even stepping on the plane. Needless to say things were a little rocky from the start. Fortuntately that was short lived as we all had a chance to sleep on the plane and felt refreshed as soon as we stepped out of the airport. Gorgeous skies and the beautiful sun greeted us with open arms, yeah we made it along with our luggage!
The next seven days and nights were filled with lots of swimming, eating and table tennis along with swimming with the dolphins which was very cool!
It wasn't all smiles and giggles 24/7, there was plenty of bickering going on between ALL of us, not just my precious jewels. I came up with a brilliant idea on our second night to have a cot sent up to our room and decided I was going to sleep on it outside on balcony under the stars with the beautiful sound of the crashing waves in the background. It was AWESOME and provided the serenity I was looking for on our vacation. It was my vacation as well and I was going to enjoy it:)
Monday, February 18, 2013
It's just a library card
I've never been a big fan of going to the library I don't know why as it's nice and quiet with a lot of comfy chairs to sit in. Maybe it's the "forced" quiet that bothers me or maybe it's just not for me? Whatever the case we just don't go, period end of story. Well a few weeks ago my daughter and I were talking about taking a book out from the library, I think she was actually talking about her schools library but I became motivated and immediately grabbed the IPad to see how we can check out books from our public library. There are actually several books I would like to read and the library is always the most affordable way to go when it comes to reading books or watching a great movie for that matter.
So here I am using the IPad for about the third time in about three months and I'm all thumbs! I figured hey, "why don't i just call the library" and ask for help? I'm gadget challenged and figured I would make more progress by speaking to an actual human being. The clock is now approaching 8:30 on a weeknight and I'm determined to create a lo gin account on the libraries website.
I dial the number and explain that I'm looking to set up an account. I also didn't have my library card handy but figured the information could be looked up by verifying some basic contact information. Needless to say I was a little taken aback when the person on the other end of the phone firmly stated she was unable to provide any information regarding my account unless I came into the library in person. WHAT, I said to myself in my inside voice? It's a library card not a health insurance card and even then BC/BS verifies everything under the sun but eventually they help you out. I couldn't believe it and I think I actually started laughing a bit, she was not amused as you can imagine.
I politely hang up and then tear through the house looking for someones library card and eventually my son says "i found mine and here you go". I call the library back hoping to get someone else on the phone but of course that didn't happen. I explained that I couldn't find my library card or my daughters but had my sons and was happy to give her his card number. She went on about how I couldn't use his library card to gain access to the libraries website, HUH? She further explained that she would need to verify his information directly with him, DOUBLE HUH? My son was in the middle of eating an apple and peanut butter when I asked him to come to the phone. The lady on the other end of the line asked him to verify his information, our address and his age, he is 12! Not only did his library card expire a year ago but apparently I forgot to update our new address when we moved last summer. He handed the phone back to me and I asked again for assistance in creating a lo gin.
She went on to explain again that because it's not my library card even though my son is 12 she is unable to provide any assistance and that I would have to come into the library to renew our card, pay our .50 cent past due balance and ask for help in gaining access to the website. Oh, and I would need to bring both my son and daughter in to renew their cards as this "service" cannot be done over the phone or via email.
I was again befuddled but ended the conversation, hung up the phone and shook my head.
So here I am using the IPad for about the third time in about three months and I'm all thumbs! I figured hey, "why don't i just call the library" and ask for help? I'm gadget challenged and figured I would make more progress by speaking to an actual human being. The clock is now approaching 8:30 on a weeknight and I'm determined to create a lo gin account on the libraries website.
I dial the number and explain that I'm looking to set up an account. I also didn't have my library card handy but figured the information could be looked up by verifying some basic contact information. Needless to say I was a little taken aback when the person on the other end of the phone firmly stated she was unable to provide any information regarding my account unless I came into the library in person. WHAT, I said to myself in my inside voice? It's a library card not a health insurance card and even then BC/BS verifies everything under the sun but eventually they help you out. I couldn't believe it and I think I actually started laughing a bit, she was not amused as you can imagine.
I politely hang up and then tear through the house looking for someones library card and eventually my son says "i found mine and here you go". I call the library back hoping to get someone else on the phone but of course that didn't happen. I explained that I couldn't find my library card or my daughters but had my sons and was happy to give her his card number. She went on about how I couldn't use his library card to gain access to the libraries website, HUH? She further explained that she would need to verify his information directly with him, DOUBLE HUH? My son was in the middle of eating an apple and peanut butter when I asked him to come to the phone. The lady on the other end of the line asked him to verify his information, our address and his age, he is 12! Not only did his library card expire a year ago but apparently I forgot to update our new address when we moved last summer. He handed the phone back to me and I asked again for assistance in creating a lo gin.
She went on to explain again that because it's not my library card even though my son is 12 she is unable to provide any assistance and that I would have to come into the library to renew our card, pay our .50 cent past due balance and ask for help in gaining access to the website. Oh, and I would need to bring both my son and daughter in to renew their cards as this "service" cannot be done over the phone or via email.
I was again befuddled but ended the conversation, hung up the phone and shook my head.
I just want to go to sleep......
Have you ever had trouble falling asleep? I have, numerous times and know I'm not alone. My recent episode lasted about a week and I really didn't think I was going to make it through, missing two days of work because I just couldn't function. Well, I had to function because I'm a single mom of two kids ages 10 & 12, but it was very difficult. I tried everything, even Valerian Root for the first time. Boy does that stuff have a funny smell to it! I also tried Tylenol PM, a glass of wine and a few other fly by the night concoctions, but they all failed including envisioning a big red Stop Sign! I don't what happened but eventually I was finally able to get back into a "normal" sleeping pattern and am so grateful.
Wishing you a restful and sound sleep:)
Wishing you a restful and sound sleep:)
Thursday, January 31, 2013
More Than Nine Lives
I was thinking about the title for this post and finally settled on this one for no other reason other than it's the truth. During some of my darkest times going back to adolescence I would always ask myself why are we even born if we eventually die? I have been so fortunate as my first family death came in 1987 while I was a sophomore in college. However in September of 1985 my dad had a massive heart attack while at the Chicago Bears game with my brother Jimmy. He was rushed to the hospital and all of the doctors that saved his life that day were at the game too, talk about karma! His heart stopped while on the table (flat lined) and one of the doctors grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him up while saying "you're scaring the shit out of me", my dad responded back with the same exact comment and his heart miraculously started beating again. He was 47, smoked (3) packs of Lucky Strikes a day and would wake up in the middle of the night to make a salami omelet so he could keep our dog company! Well those days came to a screeching halt.
Ten years later in 1995 he needed to undergo open heart surgery for a quadruple bypass. The doctors didn't know if he would even survive having his chest opened up let alone being able to get in and do the bypass. My dad came through the surgery and was again on the road to recovery. This would become a familiar theme as the years passed on.....Getting a defibrillator several years later, knee replacement surgery which had complications but again he prevailed and then recently another massive heart attack in the grocery store while on vacation and a second open heart surgery in 2012.
I remember my dad saying many years ago that he just wanted to live long enough to see my brothers and I finish college and anything after that would just be "gravy". He certainly has had a lot of gravy, over 25 years of it! He's seen his children get married, have children, and has been to (3) of his grandchildren's Bar/Bat Mitzvah, pretty incredible. He's even had time to make sure they root for the Cubs not the Sox:)
How does this happen to someone who has a damaged heart but not a damaged spirit? Is it magic, luck or karma? I happen to think it's all of that and much more, it's not his time yet.
When will it be his time? Days, Weeks, Months? Who knows but we have come to understand and accept the eventuality that we all die someday. We instead focus on being grateful for every day, living in the moment and letting people know how much we love them.
The rest is out of our control.
Ten years later in 1995 he needed to undergo open heart surgery for a quadruple bypass. The doctors didn't know if he would even survive having his chest opened up let alone being able to get in and do the bypass. My dad came through the surgery and was again on the road to recovery. This would become a familiar theme as the years passed on.....Getting a defibrillator several years later, knee replacement surgery which had complications but again he prevailed and then recently another massive heart attack in the grocery store while on vacation and a second open heart surgery in 2012.
I remember my dad saying many years ago that he just wanted to live long enough to see my brothers and I finish college and anything after that would just be "gravy". He certainly has had a lot of gravy, over 25 years of it! He's seen his children get married, have children, and has been to (3) of his grandchildren's Bar/Bat Mitzvah, pretty incredible. He's even had time to make sure they root for the Cubs not the Sox:)
How does this happen to someone who has a damaged heart but not a damaged spirit? Is it magic, luck or karma? I happen to think it's all of that and much more, it's not his time yet.
When will it be his time? Days, Weeks, Months? Who knows but we have come to understand and accept the eventuality that we all die someday. We instead focus on being grateful for every day, living in the moment and letting people know how much we love them.
The rest is out of our control.
Monday, January 28, 2013
He Said What?
I turned 45 last year and decided it was time to get back out there and hopefully make a connection. I've been on my own for over nine years and I'm ready to meet someone. So I gave myself a present of a short term subscription to both Match.com and Jdate. I had been on and off of Jdate for the past few years and didn't really make an effort so I needed a little help in the profile department. Apparently my introduction of "Bubbly Old Soul with a Heart of Gold" was attracting NO ONE! Well, that's not entirely true but I'm not the Anna Nicole Smith type and wasn't going for the gold.
Two of my friends stepped in to help clean it up and I was ready to go. I removed a few really old photos and left one that I think looked pretty cute:)
I knew I had to put forth some effort this time and started typing away. Nothing ventured nothing gained right? It's all a numbers game and I knew it, needless to say my fingers were getting a little tired. But slowly I would receive a reply for every BILLION I would send out:)
My first and second blind date were scheduled! I was meeting this guy for coffee on a very lovely Saturday afternoon. I treated myself to a manicure and got in my car with the windows and sunroof open listening to some fabulous song, it was October and the weather was beautiful. I parked and "rechecked" myself in the mirror. I started walking towards the coffee house and decided to sit outside and wait for him to arrive.
The next thing I know he comes up to me asking if I was "me" and then he preceded to say this......"You know, you don't look anything like your profile picture and I'm not interested". He immediately turned around and walked away, no coffee, no water, nothing. Shocked that someone would be so mean I just started laughing, got up and walked to my car.
That comment said more about him than me and I didn't take it personally, I just moved on......
Two of my friends stepped in to help clean it up and I was ready to go. I removed a few really old photos and left one that I think looked pretty cute:)
I knew I had to put forth some effort this time and started typing away. Nothing ventured nothing gained right? It's all a numbers game and I knew it, needless to say my fingers were getting a little tired. But slowly I would receive a reply for every BILLION I would send out:)
My first and second blind date were scheduled! I was meeting this guy for coffee on a very lovely Saturday afternoon. I treated myself to a manicure and got in my car with the windows and sunroof open listening to some fabulous song, it was October and the weather was beautiful. I parked and "rechecked" myself in the mirror. I started walking towards the coffee house and decided to sit outside and wait for him to arrive.
The next thing I know he comes up to me asking if I was "me" and then he preceded to say this......"You know, you don't look anything like your profile picture and I'm not interested". He immediately turned around and walked away, no coffee, no water, nothing. Shocked that someone would be so mean I just started laughing, got up and walked to my car.
That comment said more about him than me and I didn't take it personally, I just moved on......
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The Sit Down
I knew that my ex-husband had an issue with gambling before I married him, not only were there signs but an actual "sit down" took place with him and his parents a few weeks after getting engaged. I remember his parents coming to my tiny apartment in the city all of us sitting on my cozy couch in my even even cozier living room/kitchen. My future father in-law did most of the talking while my future mother in-law cracked her gum like crazy and my soon to be husband was lying face down on my bed in my room. By the way, if you sneezed while sitting on my couch you would automatically wind up in my room!
I was trying my best to listen but was so distracted by the gum cracking, it's one of my most annoying habits of others by the way. I learned pretty quickly that his parents were in complete denial that the issue they were describing had to do with a gambling problem. You see, my son "worked" with his dad at the Mercantile Exchange and had ever since graduating from college. It was an interesting relationship from what I soon learned and was less about working and more about my fiance having fun and using the trading floor as his playroom.
This particular situation was no exception and happened the day of our sit down which was a Monday night. The previous Friday happened to be a good day for my fiance, he closed the day up over $25,000 and was ready for the weekend. WOW! Before I had time to process that information the other foot dropped.......My soon to be husband not only gave back the $25,000 he "made" on Friday but lost another $125,000 for a total loss of $150,000 in one day. Black Monday is an understatement, I was speechless. I didn't know what to say and the quiet in the apartment was unbearable.
They wanted me to know what I was getting myself into before walking down the aisle, to decide before it was too late. We all hugged goodbye and I thanked them for sharing this information. That couldn't have been easy for them and I appreciated their candor.
I knew I was going to be in the drivers seat from now on and had some work to do to get everything in order before getting married. I also needed an education, about addiction.
I learned a great deal about addiction by attending regular GA MANON meeting as well as open meetings with my fiance. The stories sounded similar but yet were very different. I would look around the room and everyone "looked" the same, somehow I thought "they" would look different. I had to stop doing that because I was now one of them. I looked forward to the meetings and knew they helped, I was very naive and everyone knew it. There were several times at the open meetings where people would actually "call me" out actually laughing at me with my "it will be alright, I can handle this" attitude. I knew I could handle it, but for how long?
I came to understand and accept that relapse is part of recovery, that I wasn't responsible, but I also realized I was an enabler. After many more months including couples counseling, individual counseling and self-reflection I realized that he wasn't ready to surrender. I had some decisions to make and this time I had to consider our children.
My ex-husband has been in recovery for over nine years. We work hard to co-parent our children and get along pretty well. We have both forgiven each other by letting go of the past and moving forward.
The serenity prayer says it all......God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
I was trying my best to listen but was so distracted by the gum cracking, it's one of my most annoying habits of others by the way. I learned pretty quickly that his parents were in complete denial that the issue they were describing had to do with a gambling problem. You see, my son "worked" with his dad at the Mercantile Exchange and had ever since graduating from college. It was an interesting relationship from what I soon learned and was less about working and more about my fiance having fun and using the trading floor as his playroom.
This particular situation was no exception and happened the day of our sit down which was a Monday night. The previous Friday happened to be a good day for my fiance, he closed the day up over $25,000 and was ready for the weekend. WOW! Before I had time to process that information the other foot dropped.......My soon to be husband not only gave back the $25,000 he "made" on Friday but lost another $125,000 for a total loss of $150,000 in one day. Black Monday is an understatement, I was speechless. I didn't know what to say and the quiet in the apartment was unbearable.
They wanted me to know what I was getting myself into before walking down the aisle, to decide before it was too late. We all hugged goodbye and I thanked them for sharing this information. That couldn't have been easy for them and I appreciated their candor.
I knew I was going to be in the drivers seat from now on and had some work to do to get everything in order before getting married. I also needed an education, about addiction.
I learned a great deal about addiction by attending regular GA MANON meeting as well as open meetings with my fiance. The stories sounded similar but yet were very different. I would look around the room and everyone "looked" the same, somehow I thought "they" would look different. I had to stop doing that because I was now one of them. I looked forward to the meetings and knew they helped, I was very naive and everyone knew it. There were several times at the open meetings where people would actually "call me" out actually laughing at me with my "it will be alright, I can handle this" attitude. I knew I could handle it, but for how long?
I came to understand and accept that relapse is part of recovery, that I wasn't responsible, but I also realized I was an enabler. After many more months including couples counseling, individual counseling and self-reflection I realized that he wasn't ready to surrender. I had some decisions to make and this time I had to consider our children.
My ex-husband has been in recovery for over nine years. We work hard to co-parent our children and get along pretty well. We have both forgiven each other by letting go of the past and moving forward.
The serenity prayer says it all......God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Downsizing at the age of Forty-Five, how liberating!
Owning a house was never on my bucket list of "have to's" I was concerned about being able to provide for my family including having a roof over our head. It didn't matter whether I rented or owned that roof. I had experienced owning a home with my ex-husband which we sold after splitting up and then I bought another house on my own for my kids and I in 2003. We lived in that house until 2007 and then moved to another house that was closer to my ex-husband and both of our families. Needless to say, I have been blessed with good luck and karma in the housing market!
In early 2012 after owning the house since 2007, I decided it was time to simplify our life even more and put it on the market. I remember people saying "you're crazy, it'll never sell, etc etc etc.". I knew one thing for sure; I was crazy if I didn't try! I was so excited while signing the listing agreement and was looking forward to seeing the sign in the front yard. The house officially went on the market the Monday after Easter weekend 2012 and went under contract about 45 days later, WOW!
Now the clock really started ticking and I needed to find a place to live.......and fast. I wanted to rent a house in the same neighborhood since my daughter had two more years left at her elementary school. As luck would have it, the house directly across the street from ours was for rent and it was my favorite house on the block! I had never seen the inside but knew it was also filled with good karma.....I knew the owner, she was a single mom of three kids and was getting remarried and moving into her husbands house along with her children. I signed a (3) year lease and was excited for a smaller "footprint" filled with charm and tons of character!
Always remember you get to choose what you need to be happy, whether it's a smaller house, bigger dog or endless pairs of shoes, just work hard to make it happen:)
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Loved being the host!
I recently hosted a cocktail party at my house to celebrate
the New Year and my birthday. It was my
second time having company since moving this past summer. The first time was for Hanukkah with my family
and only involved ordering some pizza from Moccios and making a colorful
salad! This time I needed a little help
which is where Michelle @ My Inspired Table comes in. I wanted to keep it simple and she offered up
some great suggestions. I didn’t have to
worry about drinks because I had asked my friends to bring a favorite bottle of
wine. Well, the day of the party I had
prepared nothing! I left work early and
headed straight to Mariano’s in Vernon Hills, I love that place! Following Michelle’s tips I headed straight to the cheese section
and my new friend Jennifer was eager to help!
She not only picked out a few delicious cheeses but also a colorful
assortment of olives and other goodies from the antipasto bar and a nice
baguette. I also splurged for some great
shrimp and I was in and out in a flash.
I decided once I got home to use my china, crystal and silver. I felt like such a grown-up!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Think twice before hitting the send button.
I received an email from one of my son's moms the other day regarding one of the
boys in their "group". They are in 6th grade and are in the habit of hanging
out as a group sometimes after school in downtown HP. Sometimes they go in
pairs of 2 sometimes not, this time it was about 5 or 6 boys. One of the boys
left his cell phone at home and asked all of the boys if he could borrow their's
to make a call. He is a sensitive but good kid and started to cry when no one
offered it up right away. Eventually they all said he could use one of theirs
but by then I believe the damage had already been done. He said no and left and
ultimately started to walk home in the cold rain on Wednesday of this week.
Luckily the mom who sent the email was driving and noticed him walking alone and
crying. She stopped, picked him up and drove him home. The email was sent
shortly thereafter. I was so sad and cringed at the thought of "what if it were
my son". I was quick to voice my opinion, shame on me.
That night as my son had a basketball game and was suprised that two of the
mom's seemed pretty annoyed at the whole thing and didn't think their kids did
anything wrong. After the game I talked with my son and shared my
disappointment. I explained that I expected him to do the right thing and stick
up for his friend but he didn't. I also explained that he can't have it both
ways by going over to this friends house all of the time and then not be there
when his friend really needed him. It was a brief conversation that night that
was continued the next day along with my ex-husband. We are concerned. The
next step is what is hauting me.....I took it upon myself to send an email to
the "moms" and instead of writing in a warm and fuzzy tone, I sounded downright
condescending and self-righteous. Hence the downside of communicating via
email. The replies, texts and voicemails were horrible and gave me the wake up
call I guess I needed to stay out of it. I since have apo
logized for creating such a mess and have asked for forgiveness, I have
received one reply. I expressed to all of them that I know we all parent
differently and that my main concern regarding this situation was the "bullying"
aspect of what had happened. I was also asking for their help so we can talk as
a group to work on remedying the situation. I know that won't happen now and I
am okay with that but do I have a morale obligation here to anyone other than my
son? He has reached out to his friend to apologize and I have let it go and have moved on.
boys in their "group". They are in 6th grade and are in the habit of hanging
out as a group sometimes after school in downtown HP. Sometimes they go in
pairs of 2 sometimes not, this time it was about 5 or 6 boys. One of the boys
left his cell phone at home and asked all of the boys if he could borrow their's
to make a call. He is a sensitive but good kid and started to cry when no one
offered it up right away. Eventually they all said he could use one of theirs
but by then I believe the damage had already been done. He said no and left and
ultimately started to walk home in the cold rain on Wednesday of this week.
Luckily the mom who sent the email was driving and noticed him walking alone and
crying. She stopped, picked him up and drove him home. The email was sent
shortly thereafter. I was so sad and cringed at the thought of "what if it were
my son". I was quick to voice my opinion, shame on me.
That night as my son had a basketball game and was suprised that two of the
mom's seemed pretty annoyed at the whole thing and didn't think their kids did
anything wrong. After the game I talked with my son and shared my
disappointment. I explained that I expected him to do the right thing and stick
up for his friend but he didn't. I also explained that he can't have it both
ways by going over to this friends house all of the time and then not be there
when his friend really needed him. It was a brief conversation that night that
was continued the next day along with my ex-husband. We are concerned. The
next step is what is hauting me.....I took it upon myself to send an email to
the "moms" and instead of writing in a warm and fuzzy tone, I sounded downright
condescending and self-righteous. Hence the downside of communicating via
email. The replies, texts and voicemails were horrible and gave me the wake up
call I guess I needed to stay out of it. I since have apo
logized for creating such a mess and have asked for forgiveness, I have
received one reply. I expressed to all of them that I know we all parent
differently and that my main concern regarding this situation was the "bullying"
aspect of what had happened. I was also asking for their help so we can talk as
a group to work on remedying the situation. I know that won't happen now and I
am okay with that but do I have a morale obligation here to anyone other than my
son? He has reached out to his friend to apologize and I have let it go and have moved on.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
This is how it started
I am a divorced mom of two and have been on my own since my daughter was 11 months old and my son was 3. They are almost 10 and 12 now and I can't believe how fast the years have gone by; it feels like only yesterday that I was rocking them to sleep in the middle of the night feeling blessed and grateful for their existence while at the same time wondering why the "Norman Rockwell" fictional portrait on the wall wasn't exactly as I had envisioned.
I was a late bloomer and my transition from being single to being in a relationship-engaged-married-
The next day after dropping off our children at daycare I went back home, it was time to liberate myself and take the first step towards "happiness". I didn't tread lightly and put one toe in the water, i jumped in head first. What happened after the words left my mouth still haunt me......he went ballistic although what did I expect? You see, he was a compulsive gambler and alcoholic and I reached my breaking point. The signs were all there even before he asked me to marry him. Nice Jewish boy meets nice Jewish girl, nice right? Well of course but the gambling was the dirty little secret I didn't want to admit. I wanted Norman Rockwell and felt this was my only chance....
What happened over the next several months was heart wrenching as I was making my way in the world of being on my own with my two precious jewels while at the same time the man I left was on the verge of suicide and ultimately was admitted to rehab.
After many months of couples therapy, GAMANON meetings and serious self-reflection I realized that my decision to leave was ultimately the right one and I have never looked back.
I am blessed with my precious jewels (AKA my children) they are the best gift and I am thankful for walking down the aisle otherwise I would have never known the overwhelming joy and pleasure of motherhood. I have crossed off a major want on my "bucket list".
There is one item on my list that has been lingering for quite a long time.......I'd like to get back out there and find love again. There, I finally said it. While I have had dated a little bit since being on my own I have never really admitted to myself that finding love again is something I really want in my life. Now the question is how? I'm not a big fan of dating sites and am an old soul at heart with traditional and old school values. I'd love to get fixed up or be introduced but don't know how to get the word out without sounding "needy or dependent". People I know that have walked in similar shoes have made their second transition from single-married-divorced-
I have never felt better and am blessed with the life that I have created for myself and my children, and feel ready to open that door, I just feel like I have two left feet when it comes to this "stuff".
So that's where you come in......your story and those you have shared on your blog make everything sound like smooth sailing even though I know choppy waters always accompany any good story. I want my story to include another chance at love & happily ever after, can you help me get there?
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Just another acronym:)
I asked my son what his plans were yesterday afternoon and of course he responded with "idk" to which I responded "kmp".....he had no clue how hip his mom was had to ask what it stood for! Keep
me posted:)!
me posted:)!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Happy Birthday!
I've always LOVED my birthday for as long as I can remember and this year was no different. It was an incredible day spent with my two precious jewels Noah & Rachel. I am incredibly blessed & grateful to have received birthday wishes from friends old & new, near & far and of course my family. I am very lucky to have celebrated with my mom for a mother/daughter dinner as well as having a great talk with my dad:) Our daddy/daughter dinner or brunch will have to wait for another day but I am blessed that he is holding strong at 74. The day ended with a great dinner at one of our favorite places, all of us devouring our burgers and topping it off with an delicious ice cream sundae!