Friday, March 23, 2018

Missing Someone

I’ve been missing someone lately, I’ve been missing hearing his voice and missing our conversations. I’ve been missing his laugh and I’ve been missing our lunches at Once Upon a Bagel and grocery shopping at Sunset. Recently, every time I step into these places the pain of missing him hurts so much that it’s made me catch my breath a few times.
I’m looking for this person in the aisles and at the check-out counter, I’m looking for his white car in the parking lot. I’m searching for his face sitting down and eating his favorite omelet but he’s nowhere to be found. I’m listening hard, maybe he’s here and if I wait just a minute I’ll hear his laugh…but he’s nowhere to be found and I know where to find him, but I don’t want to go there because then I’ll be reminded that it’s real.
Of course, I know he’s gone, I was there every step of the way up until the very end and after. I just thought if I missed him enough he would appear right before my eyes, like magic but that’s not how this works and I know it. I would give anything for a phone call with this person I’ve been missing, anything.
I needed to talk with this person so badly recently and he wasn’t there, I closed my eyes and listened for his voice in my head, but his voice wasn’t there. I read some of his letters he wrote me thinking maybe his voice would pop into my head this way, but it didn’t.
There was silence and then the feel of my tears because I knew he was never coming back.
So, I breathed and reached out to my other lifelines. I thought that would help make the tears stop but it didn’t because if this was a math problem adding up all my lifelines (I am blessed & grateful to have many) they would never equal him.
I’ve been going and doing and moving forward as best as I can, but this missing thing hit me so hard and broke me down. Somehow, I thought at this point my Teflon shield would have re-appeared, but it must still be in the repair shop.
I think I’ll call that repair shop and see if they can tell me when my shield will be ready…In the meantime, I’ll just sit with my feelings have a good cry and wait for that missing feeling to subside.
Much love my friends xoxo