I Miss My Dad

I miss my dad. I miss our conversations and I miss his laugh. I miss hearing him say “well hello there” or “darling daughter this is dapper dad” when we would talk on the phone. I miss feeling the smile on his face and the love he had for me in his voice. I miss our lunches at Once Upon a Bagel and grocery shopping at Sunset. I miss hearing the same jokes over and over, I miss laughing with him. I miss it all.

I told him a few months ago while we were on the phone that I felt like he was getting closer to the other side and how I had so many things to talk to him about, we needed more time. I told him I wasn't ready to call my brothers instead of him. It was a Thursday and he was in the hospital at U of C. We made a plan for Saturday, just the two of us. No other visitors for him that day. Time, thank goodness we had more time.

We had a great day. We talked about business, work, family, being happy and most importantly about being loved. I remember crying a lot that day. I remember talking to him that evening and crying again. After we hung up I sent him a text telling him not to worry about me that I’m ok. He texted me back the next day saying he won’t worry because there’s still time. Time, thank goodness we had more time.

While the hospital stays became more frequent and longer in duration, I was still hopeful we had more time. We had to have more time.

I remember the moment it became clear we were out of time……….my heart sank, the tears started and didn't stop. I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet, I needed more time.

The last 6 days of my dads life were extraordinary, filled with love and laughter & tears. Pretty fitting for such an incredible human being who lived his life with passion and integrity. I witnessed personal moments of him saying goodbye and I love you to not only dear friends and my mom but to his many nurses who had cared for him over the past 3 years. It was beautiful and incredibly sad. The family goodbyes were the most touching and are sacred moments that are etched in my heart forever. He was loved and treasured by so many people. I know our family has felt that love ever since his passing 4 weeks ago today.

I miss my dad and will continue to miss him everyday. I know it will get better over time. I just need more time. xoxoxo