This is how it started

I am a divorced mom of two and have been on my own since my daughter was 11 months old and my son was 3. They are almost 10 and 12 now and I can't believe how fast the years have gone by; it feels like only yesterday that I was rocking them to sleep in the middle of the night feeling blessed and grateful for their existence while at the same time wondering why the "Norman Rockwell" fictional portrait on the wall wasn't exactly as I had envisioned.

I was a late bloomer and my transition from being single to being in a relationship-engaged-married-baby-house-another baby-separated was fast and furious. All of these critical life changes happened in less than five years, the final blow came in late October of 2003 right after our son turned 3 when I went into my dad's office (I worked with him and my younger brother), closed the door and asked "how do you know if you're happy?" It was the only question I needed to ask out loud and of course I knew the answer before my dad had time to speak.

The next day after dropping off our children at daycare I went back home, it was time to liberate myself and take the first step towards "happiness". I didn't tread lightly and put one toe in the water, i jumped in head first. What happened after the words left my mouth still haunt me......he went ballistic although what did I expect? You see, he was a compulsive gambler and alcoholic and I reached my breaking point. The signs were all there even before he asked me to marry him. Nice Jewish boy meets nice Jewish girl, nice right? Well of course but the gambling was the dirty little secret I didn't want to admit. I wanted Norman Rockwell and felt this was my only chance....

What happened over the next several months was heart wrenching as I was making my way in the world of being on my own with my two precious jewels while at the same time the man I left was on the verge of suicide and ultimately was admitted to rehab.

After many months of couples therapy, GAMANON meetings and serious self-reflection I realized that my decision to leave was ultimately the right one and I have never looked back.

I am blessed with my precious jewels (AKA my children) they are the best gift and I am thankful for walking down the aisle otherwise I would have never known the overwhelming joy and pleasure of motherhood. I have crossed off a major want on my "bucket list".

There is one item on my list that has been lingering for quite a long time.......I'd like to get back out there and find love again. There, I finally said it. While I have had dated a little bit since being on my own I have never really admitted to myself that finding love again is something I really want in my life. Now the question is how? I'm not a big fan of dating sites and am an old soul at heart with traditional and old school values. I'd love to get fixed up or be introduced but don't know how to get the word out without sounding "needy or dependent". People I know that have walked in similar shoes have made their second transition from single-married-divorced-remarried or "coupled" so easy and effortless. My life has never been about easy and getting back out there socially is like going to the dentist without having my gums swabbed before the scrapping begins. As a matter of fact, I think doing to the dentist would be a cake walk compared to putting myself out there again.

I have never felt better and am blessed with the life that I have created for myself and my children, and feel ready to open that door, I just feel like I have two left feet when it comes to this "stuff".

 

So that's where you come in......your story and those you have shared on your blog make everything sound like smooth sailing even though I know choppy waters always accompany any good story. I want my story to include another chance at love & happily ever after, can you help me get there?